I must be missing my muse

I see that it’s the best part of three weeks since I lasted posted anything on the blog. I was also pretty quiet for a week or so before the last tentative offering to my reader (you know who you are). Looking back, this period of inactivity coincides with Her Maj being away, first in Somerset and now at a camp near Loch Lomond for a couple of weeks. You would have thought that, not having to give my attention to matrimonial duties and the news of the other person’s day, I would have had more time to concentrate on what passes for writing here. However, the contrary seems to be the case and I think I’d like to explore some of the possible reasons why.
When I’m on my own I revert to a fairly internalised existence, maintaining the corporeal being with food (and beer if at all possible) and passing the time with futile activities. Somehow the silence seems to dominate and I withdraw within the shell of the house and the lack of human stimulation interferes with the will to write. This must sound strange to anyone reading this and thinking about introverted personalities, i.e. losing energy in the absence of other people, but it’s more complex than that, although I’m not sure that I’ll actually articulate it any better. I think that I am so bound up in this marriage that a part of me that is creative and energetic is absent when she’s away and self-expression in this intimate form becomes more difficult. Perhaps I just use the blogging as an escape into solitude when Her Maj is at home and have less need for that solitude when she’s not here.
Another reason is that I’ve been working far too hard; 26 hours overtime in July, including several trips to Islay, a few days at weekends in the office trying to catch up with the Red Queen’s race that is paperwork on my desk and some other out of hours jobs. Frankly, I’m pretty tired and a bit run down at the moment and intellectual effort is hard work – not that I’m making any claim at all that this represents intellectual effort!
With all this overtime and general being-knackeredness, I’ve not been out and walking as much as I’d like, so energies are not being recharged through exercise. That said, I did cover 21 miles on a square-bagging expedition a couple of weeks ago and lost half a stone in the process on a very hot day – that’s the wonder of dehydration for you.
I still think the major difference is that, having become used to being together again for the last year, I am missing the old lady and that’s obstructing the creative flow. Funny really, I’d always seen myself as a capable temporary bachelor, but obviously she’s gotten deeper under my skin than I’d realised. Ho hum; roll on the next two weeks and she’ll have to come back, the summer holidays will be over!


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